Hey beautiful people out there in (perhaps make believe) reader land. I've been debating and debating over whether or not to post this next little piece, but ultimately came to the conclusion that I should. The whole reason I started The Formerly Frumpy Mama was because I needed some positive change in my life, and I hoped that by sharing those changes I'd be more motivated to keep going. Even if I'm only writing for me, if it pushes me, I need to continue.
Well, onto the dirty stuff. There are so many things to overcome on the path to un-frumpiness, bad eating habits, laziness, messiness, etc. I've discovered though, that everything in life is intertwined. If I'm struggling with depression, it will effect every positive thing I'm trying to do in my life.
Depression has been an unwelcome houseguest in my life, off and on, for many years. Right after high school I was medicated for it, but found that I liked myself even less, and felt more crazy, on the pills, so I stopped taking them. (I was on Zoloft, in case anyone was wondering.) Over a year ago, I went back to counseling for the second or third time in my adult life. My counselor is awesome, and, as it had in past experiences, I noticed it helping me bring positivity back into my life almost immediately. I only need a few weeks worth of sessions and I started feeling like a much better, much happier, version of myself.
Well, the last few weeks have been rough. And in the last few days, it's really intensified. The other day the sun was actually shining and all I could do was stare out the window and hate it for shining when my insides remained bleak and stormy. It makes it hard for me to want to exercise, and eat healthy, and take care of myself, to be an attentive, and loving/patient mother. It's absolutely awful. The worst part is that I can look at my beautiful little girls, who I love so much, and my sweet, patient husband, and in my mind I know that I am SO lucky, and should be SO happy everyday, but I still can't swim out of the murkiness. It's not fair to them, or to me.
So, this morning, even though I REALLY didn't want to, as I sat in my baggy sweats all un-showered and wishing I could just stay in bed, I made a decision. I called and made an appointment with my counselor. Like I said before, this isn't something I'm excited to share. But I do think it's valuable.
With one of my former counselors, I developed an analogy that helped me figure out how I function well. I am like a car. I run on four wheels and tires. If one of those tires is flat, the car isn't moving. I have to keep up all the tires to keep myself rolling. My four tires are my physical health, my emotional/psychological health, my social health, and my spiritual health. If I'm really hurting in one of these areas, I won't be able to function in the others either. So it's time for me to pay a little more attention to where I'm "flat," and get it repaired so I can get rolling again.
If you are struggling with a flat, get some help if you need it, get it fixed, and get rolling again. There should be NO shame in wanting to run at your best. Take care of yourself. THAT is how you best become un-frumpy. Here is me wishing you luck, and hoping you will do the same in return.
P.S. I just got referred to an awesome site, and if you struggle like I do with this, I really suggest you check it out HERE.